A Leap of MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

This is it...closing night of Rent is here.  Words cannot begin to express how incredible this experience has been.  It has flown by.  I feel like yesterday was our first rehearsal, and I'm not ready for it to end.  Playing Angel has pushed me well outside my comfort zone as a performer vocally, physically, and mentally; and I have loved every minute of it.  I have learned and grown such much as a result of being surrounded by such marvellously talented and creative individuals.  This show has been an enormous blessing in every sense of the word!
The feedback we have gotten from our audiences and reviewers has been astounding, and gratifying, and validating.  As artists we are constantly putting ourselves in vulnerable positions by laying our hearts and talents and creations out for our audiences to receive and critique, and you never really know HOW they're going to be received until you're in front of the crowd each night (all of which were sold out, by the way).  Our audiences have been SO receptive and responsive and filled with energy which in turn energizes us even more.  My favorite compliment from an audience member was, "True story...Act I:  Every woman wants Angel's legs.  Act II:  Every man wants Angel's arms!" Though of course there were endless favorable accounts from all of our reviewers and audience members.
Anyway, I'm just beaming.  This show has been everything I ever wanted or needed it to be...it has surpassed my expectations, and will most certainly be remembered as one of my favorite productions and parts I have had the honor to play; and I almost made it out unscathed, as this last Tursday night I had my first heel catastrophe and nearly tripped to my death off the moon, but "Mark" aka Jeremy aka Scar-Face-Dangle-Ear grabbed my hand and saved my clumbsy drag queen ass!  Thank you the cast and crew for all of the ways in which you are awesome and continue to inspire me.  I can't wait to work with you all again.  I'm very excited to get started on Hardbody at New Line starting next week!
Now lets go out with a bang...or a fabulous drum solo...and give this last sold out house everything we've got!!

Much Love,
Luke (ANGEL)

We'll Get Along Fine!

Yesterday I was cool as a cucumber all day.  ALL DAY.  No nerves at all, aside from my physical and mental exhaustion, figuring out how much time I needed to shave my entire body each day of the run, and the typical pre-show shits.  Otherwise I was absolutely fine.  Fast forward to 7:55PM...I have all my makeup and costume pieces on, we get our places call, then the music starts and I am the ONLY cast member backstage (I am not in the title song).  THEN the panic set in.  Inner dialogue, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M DOING RENT...THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING...DIDN'T WE JUST START REHEARSALS...A TON OF PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO SEE ME IN DRAG FOR THE FIRST TIME...A TON OF RENT FANS ARE ABOUT TO COMPARE ME TO EVERY OTHER ANGEL THEY'VE SEEN...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I MIGHT POOP MY PANTS...I'M GOING TO POOP IN MY HOT PANTS RIGHT NOW."

I did not poop my pants, because I was obviously perfectly calm.  Dispite my frantic inner voice I was all smiles because this has been such a surreal experience...doing Rent for one thing, playing Angel, being back on the stage I started on 14 years ago, making so many amazing new friends.  I started to tear up a little, singing along with my castmates, my family.  Then I had to stop myself from crying so my fake lashes wouldn't slide down my face!  Then the song ended and I made my first entrance to delighted giggles and applause from the audience.  A sigh of relief.  Just the acknowledgement you need to know that the audience is on your side, and that all they want is for you to deliver a compelling story and experience to them; and you get excited about that and strive to be even better than your very best for them!

Anyhow, the show went even better than I had hoped.  I am no longer terrified.  LOL  I am so pleased and happy with our production and the life and meaning that this show has.  It is still a surreal experience to be a part of it.  I can't wait for every one of our remaining performances and to see the faces in the audience as they're moved by the story.

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who shared our first performance with us, and for everyone who has supported us along the way, thank you to my boyfriend for listening to me talk non-stop about the show since before rehearsals began...and for painting my nails for me, and thank you to all of my incredible cast mates who are truly a part of my family now and have been so lovely and inspiring to work with.  I feel vaildated.  I feel loved.  I feel like I've come home at last.  :)

Hi I'm Angel!

So normally in preparation for a role a couple of things I like to do to flesh out my character are answering a list of character questions I've compiled over the years (sort of an interview of the character), I do as much research of the time period as possible, I research the events surrounding the story, I even like to keep a journal as the character to fully get myself in the mind of that person and to fill in the time that is not played out in the show.  As much as I feel like Angel's spirit has been in me all along, getting to the root of what makes her tick has been a greater challenge than I have been presented with before.  It's the kind of role you crave as an actor...something that takes you into a completely new realm and forces you to feel everything that character feels, seeing through their eyes and not your own.  I think I've been afraid to really dig into Angel as I normally would any other role because I knew that it would require me to go to a really dark place and to find the light again.  As I stated in a previous post, I spent many years in darkness, and finally am surrounded with light and love and happiness, so the prospect of returning to that sad place is terrifying.  Journalling as my character is usually the most useful technique for me, but I had a hard time finding where to begin.  I knew I'd have to grapple with the realization of having AIDS and ultimately having an expiration date, and somehow put aside my own emotions about those circumstances to understand how to overcome the sadness of it and be this beaming disco-ball of light and positivity for my friends in this very real make-believe world.  To find some inspiration I created a sort of "vision board" for Angel, representing all the things that touch and inspire her to be the fabulous otherworldly creature that she is.  It ended up being pretty cool, and feels much more like something Angel would create, rather than chronicling her day to day in a journal.  After all, Angel's whole message in the show is to seize every moment and fill it with passion and love and joy and generosity, because you never know when your time is up.  She stares death right in the face and laughs, choosing to enjoy herself and her loved ones every moment that she possibly can.  Anyway, this is what I came up with...

I may or may not add things to it throughout the run, but I've been collecting images that have inspired Angel since before our rehearsal process even began.  Of course it's not a complete picture of Angel, only a glimpse into some of the things she loves  (the next size up was an 84" foam board, and ain't nobody got time fo dat!).

Somebody asked me last night what I thought the dynamic of the relationship is between Angel and Collins.  Really they meet, right away Angel reveals that she has AIDS, and they kind of jump right into a relationship.  He asked me why would Angel just say that right off the bat, and not be more scared.  I thought about it for a bit and came to the conclusion that Angel has probably been burned more than a few times since her diagnosis AND just for being a drag queen in general, and would rather put it out there so that the receiving party can decide whether or not it's their cup of tea.  Collins probably wasn't the first person she just said that so matter-of-factly to, but he was the first one not to immediately reject her because he was able to see the beauty of her spirit!  Yes Collins also has AIDS, so it's not as if he can contract it again, but that moment in the show IS love at first sight because they see each others souls!  That question being asked of me inspired me to return to my journalling process as Angel, because though Angel may not keep a log of her day, she would very likely keep a gratitude journal of all of the people, events, and things that bring joy and growth into her life(which I have been doing for years, personally).  I'm not sure why, but it really was a light bulb moment for me, being asked that question.  So thanks Zak Farmer!  I again feel fully in touch with Angel...I AM Angel!

Our sitzprobes and initial tech rehearsals are finished as of this weekend, and the show looks and sounds as beautiful as it feels to be a part of.  I'm so excited to run the show the next three days and open to a sold out house this weekend!  This process has changed my life.  I, Angel, am grateful for every single one of my cast/crew mates.  I so love how we have become this beautifully functional family, with none of the drama and all of the love of the characters we are portraying in this show, and more!  Thank you all for such a transcendent experience.  I have so much love for you!!