We'll Get Along Fine!

Yesterday I was cool as a cucumber all day.  ALL DAY.  No nerves at all, aside from my physical and mental exhaustion, figuring out how much time I needed to shave my entire body each day of the run, and the typical pre-show shits.  Otherwise I was absolutely fine.  Fast forward to 7:55PM...I have all my makeup and costume pieces on, we get our places call, then the music starts and I am the ONLY cast member backstage (I am not in the title song).  THEN the panic set in.  Inner dialogue, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M DOING RENT...THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING...DIDN'T WE JUST START REHEARSALS...A TON OF PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO SEE ME IN DRAG FOR THE FIRST TIME...A TON OF RENT FANS ARE ABOUT TO COMPARE ME TO EVERY OTHER ANGEL THEY'VE SEEN...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I MIGHT POOP MY PANTS...I'M GOING TO POOP IN MY HOT PANTS RIGHT NOW."

I did not poop my pants, because I was obviously perfectly calm.  Dispite my frantic inner voice I was all smiles because this has been such a surreal experience...doing Rent for one thing, playing Angel, being back on the stage I started on 14 years ago, making so many amazing new friends.  I started to tear up a little, singing along with my castmates, my family.  Then I had to stop myself from crying so my fake lashes wouldn't slide down my face!  Then the song ended and I made my first entrance to delighted giggles and applause from the audience.  A sigh of relief.  Just the acknowledgement you need to know that the audience is on your side, and that all they want is for you to deliver a compelling story and experience to them; and you get excited about that and strive to be even better than your very best for them!

Anyhow, the show went even better than I had hoped.  I am no longer terrified.  LOL  I am so pleased and happy with our production and the life and meaning that this show has.  It is still a surreal experience to be a part of it.  I can't wait for every one of our remaining performances and to see the faces in the audience as they're moved by the story.

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who shared our first performance with us, and for everyone who has supported us along the way, thank you to my boyfriend for listening to me talk non-stop about the show since before rehearsals began...and for painting my nails for me, and thank you to all of my incredible cast mates who are truly a part of my family now and have been so lovely and inspiring to work with.  I feel vaildated.  I feel loved.  I feel like I've come home at last.  :)