Hi I'm Angel!

So normally in preparation for a role a couple of things I like to do to flesh out my character are answering a list of character questions I've compiled over the years (sort of an interview of the character), I do as much research of the time period as possible, I research the events surrounding the story, I even like to keep a journal as the character to fully get myself in the mind of that person and to fill in the time that is not played out in the show.  As much as I feel like Angel's spirit has been in me all along, getting to the root of what makes her tick has been a greater challenge than I have been presented with before.  It's the kind of role you crave as an actor...something that takes you into a completely new realm and forces you to feel everything that character feels, seeing through their eyes and not your own.  I think I've been afraid to really dig into Angel as I normally would any other role because I knew that it would require me to go to a really dark place and to find the light again.  As I stated in a previous post, I spent many years in darkness, and finally am surrounded with light and love and happiness, so the prospect of returning to that sad place is terrifying.  Journalling as my character is usually the most useful technique for me, but I had a hard time finding where to begin.  I knew I'd have to grapple with the realization of having AIDS and ultimately having an expiration date, and somehow put aside my own emotions about those circumstances to understand how to overcome the sadness of it and be this beaming disco-ball of light and positivity for my friends in this very real make-believe world.  To find some inspiration I created a sort of "vision board" for Angel, representing all the things that touch and inspire her to be the fabulous otherworldly creature that she is.  It ended up being pretty cool, and feels much more like something Angel would create, rather than chronicling her day to day in a journal.  After all, Angel's whole message in the show is to seize every moment and fill it with passion and love and joy and generosity, because you never know when your time is up.  She stares death right in the face and laughs, choosing to enjoy herself and her loved ones every moment that she possibly can.  Anyway, this is what I came up with...

I may or may not add things to it throughout the run, but I've been collecting images that have inspired Angel since before our rehearsal process even began.  Of course it's not a complete picture of Angel, only a glimpse into some of the things she loves  (the next size up was an 84" foam board, and ain't nobody got time fo dat!).

Somebody asked me last night what I thought the dynamic of the relationship is between Angel and Collins.  Really they meet, right away Angel reveals that she has AIDS, and they kind of jump right into a relationship.  He asked me why would Angel just say that right off the bat, and not be more scared.  I thought about it for a bit and came to the conclusion that Angel has probably been burned more than a few times since her diagnosis AND just for being a drag queen in general, and would rather put it out there so that the receiving party can decide whether or not it's their cup of tea.  Collins probably wasn't the first person she just said that so matter-of-factly to, but he was the first one not to immediately reject her because he was able to see the beauty of her spirit!  Yes Collins also has AIDS, so it's not as if he can contract it again, but that moment in the show IS love at first sight because they see each others souls!  That question being asked of me inspired me to return to my journalling process as Angel, because though Angel may not keep a log of her day, she would very likely keep a gratitude journal of all of the people, events, and things that bring joy and growth into her life(which I have been doing for years, personally).  I'm not sure why, but it really was a light bulb moment for me, being asked that question.  So thanks Zak Farmer!  I again feel fully in touch with Angel...I AM Angel!

Our sitzprobes and initial tech rehearsals are finished as of this weekend, and the show looks and sounds as beautiful as it feels to be a part of.  I'm so excited to run the show the next three days and open to a sold out house this weekend!  This process has changed my life.  I, Angel, am grateful for every single one of my cast/crew mates.  I so love how we have become this beautifully functional family, with none of the drama and all of the love of the characters we are portraying in this show, and more!  Thank you all for such a transcendent experience.  I have so much love for you!!